


Ray Is Leaving

by Wagnetic



Category: due South
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wagnetic/pseuds/Wagnetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser doesn't want Ray to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ray Is Leaving

Ray is leaving. He’s stayed longer than I expected already, but now he has to go. I’ve had him in my home since we returned from our adventure, and now I almost wish that I hadn’t brought him back with me. Almost, because I can’t regret these few weeks of living so close to him. It’s one thing to fall asleep next to someone every night in a tent, under the guise of necessity, but he’s been sleeping in my bed since I brought him back to my cabin, and that’s a different thing entirely. We’ve slept together only in the most literal sense—platonically, keeping to our respective sides of the bed—but even so, I’ve treasured the intimacy of sleeping and waking beside my friend and partner.

But now Ray is leaving. His work is in Chicago and my home is here, and I know what that means, but up until now it’s been a concept in my head and watching him pack makes it a reality. Ray is leaving. He’s folding his shirts before placing them in his bag, and this is entirely unlike him. He keeps his apartment navigable even at its worst, but he’s never taken a particular interest in fastidiousness to say the least. He’s stalling for time, and that gives me hope.

“Perhaps you could come visit me again when you have time off.”

“Sure, yeah,” he mutters. Perhaps not.

I begin to speak, “Ray,” but I can’t find the words beyond his name. They exist in abundance in my head: _Stay with me, don’t leave me, I don’t want to be without you._ I can say none of them out loud.

He’s looking up at me from where he’s sitting by his bag, now. His face, which is normally so expressive, is oddly blank. “What, Fraser?”

 _I love you, I want you, I can’t bear to see you go._ “I’ll miss you.”

His eyes go soft and unguarded and my breath catches in my throat. God but he’s lovely. This is one of the things that I love best—the way this tender spirit lies beneath the spiked hair and the strut. He uses them as his turtle uses its shell, as I use my own public demeanor. For all the ways that we are different, we are very much alike. Ray is braver than I am, to show his passions so easily, but even so, he doesn’t show vulnerability like this to just anyone. It means a great deal to me, knowing that he’s willing to show me this.

“I’ll miss you too.”

His voice is sweet and gentle, and I can’t let him go, I can’t. I come to kneel by his side, but I don’t know how to start. I shouldn’t spring this all on him so suddenly, but I’ve run out of time. This is the only chance I’m going to have, so I place my hand over his and wait. He looks at me and I think that what I see on his face now is hope.

“Frase?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“You want to tell me something?”

“Yes, Ray.”

“Well…?”

I know that if I give myself any time to think I’ll realize that this is bad idea, that this could go wrong and ruin our chance of sustaining our friendship over so many miles. So I don’t let myself think, and what I say is, “I should be where you are.”

He squeezes my hand. “Yeah, you should.”

We stay there for a moment, just hanging on and not quite looking at one another, and then he lets go of my hand and pulls me close instead. I close my eyes and let my head drop to his shoulder. I want to memorize this moment. I need to remember the way he feels, and how he smells, and how warm he is. It’s so good just to be held.

“Will you come back to Chicago with me?”

“Yes.”

“Good, Frase” he says, and his voice is a thick murmur in my ear. “Good, Ben.”

We stay like that for a while and I revel in his proximity. I can smell him with my nose buried in the crook of his neck, and he smells like comfort, my trusted friend and beloved partner. I don’t want to let go of him. Of course I know I will have to let go eventually, but not just yet. He unwinds his arms from where they’ve settled around me, and to my embarrassment I only clutch him tighter.

“It’s okay,” he says. He wraps me up again and turns his face so that he can kiss the top of my head. “We’ve got to buy you a ticket and do whatever it is you do to get Dief back and forth, but it can wait. I’ve got you.”

Ray is holding me and speaking softly in my ear, and Ray is leaving, but it’s alright because I’m leaving too.


End file.
